How to go from ahhhh to AARRGGHH for contact lens wearers

Picture the scene, it is 9am on Saturday and here I am at the kitchen table trying to put in my contact lenses.
Now i have a slightly unusual way of doing it because i just can't do the method shone to me by the eye-doctor.I place my forefinger and thumb together ( in a pinch motion) then cradle the lens between the 'valley', touch it to the eye with the other hand keeping the bottom eyelid open and separate the finger and thumb. This works 90% of the time for me.

Today was one of those 10% days. I dropped the lens and broke the rule - don't pickup a dropped lens and try to use it! But I only dropped it on the table...

I retry and get the lens in on the second try. Fantastic.

At this point I notice a slight itching, then burning, then King Triton himself rides in on an army of sea turtles and stabs me in the eye with his Trident. At this point I remember my four year old playing with salt at the dinner table the night before.

Now comes a scene from 'Saw 10' while I frantically try to save the fireball that sits in my eye socket, by attempting to force open my eye, stick my finger in and extract the lens.

Twenty minutes of a soothing eye bath rinse seem to have flushed out the remaining napalm.

After a third attempt, lenses are in and I'm ready to face the day... In focus!